What's in a name?

In less than 3 months I will walk down the aisle and forever change the course of my life.

I have no qualms about getting married to this man. I don't believe in soul mates, I believe all marriages have ups and downs, pitfalls and blessings. But I do know we have what it will take to make it through all of the roller coasters ahead of us.

We are already living together, desperately trying to merge two into one. Two houses, two couches, two sets of ideals, two dining tables, two bank accounts, two lives, two, two, two. Now into one.

I left my house in the city and moved to a world yet unknown to me, a farm in the country. It's more the same than different, but different enough to notice...everyday.
Don't get me wrong, 5 acres and no neighbors can have it's appeal. But there's a lot to get used to. The smells, for one. The commute for another.

And yet, there is so much to enjoy. We have a barn, a garden, a pumpkin patch, a raspberry patch, two apple trees (that we are hoping produce actual edible apples one day.) And... a bon fire pit. I love to have bon fires at home, to me it's the best part of camping ( and the best part of home...my own bed. I have a love/hate relationship with camping so this a great compromise for me.

We are also trying to merge our families. To get used to each others' family eccentricities. Neither family is perfect but we are both familiar with our own and dealing with new can be challenging.

But on that day, filled with emotion, flowers, expensive apparel, family, friends and best wishes, I have the added weight of changing my identity. My last name will change. Somehow this piece seems to give me more pause than any other part of the wedding and marriage.

I have worked hard for 31 years to create the person I am. Despite my many flaws I am happy with who I am, and who I plan to become.
I have no doubt that I will change my name. I want to have a united household. If there are to be children I want to have the same last name as my kids. But still I am nagged by this. I feel like I am headed into the unknown. I don't know this name, will I feel like myself when I am signing things, getting mail, checking email, being called Mrs... 

So what will I lose when that surname changes? What might I gain? I guess we will find out on September 14.